Here are a couple of lessons I learnt only recently and grasped the hard way: firstly, nobody is coming to save me and I cannot depend on anyone to defend me; secondly, I cannot care from an empty cup. Heavy, sorry.
If a person makes you feel all wrong or your job drains the colour and humour from your world, there’s honestly no reason to keep it in your life, right? Staying in relationships with people or rituals that sequentially make you feel stressed or diminished, makes you complicit in your bad treatment, because you allow it – again and again. My mom used to say that it was only a person with very low self esteem that kept going back to bad treatment. She, like me, was never skilled in the peculiar intimacy of conflict and preferred to keep things nice.
What possible reason could be good enough for you to feel you have to ‘cope’ with it? Being your own ward and not waiting for someone to stand up for you, is vital. Removing the ‘draining’ parts of your existence is a smart move, surely?
Hoping that there is some inhuman thing that will be your guardian – an angel, a spirit animal, the universe – gives you false security. When in fact it’s just you and you need to learn how to trust yourself.
Photopolymer Etching - Charbonnel ink on Stonehenge paper.
65 x 50 cm
February 25, 2020